When Goodbye Hurts: A Vet Tech’s Perspective on Pet Loss and Grief
I’ve had the privilege to work in the vet field for 10 years now. I have a college degree in Veterinary Technology and I’ve worked in an animal shelter, emergency, and now oncology so I have seen the effects of grief, and I have felt them too. My goal with this post is not to tell you how to cope or move on, but to help normalize this emotion and allow you the space to feel seen or heard. Emotions are normal. Grief is normal. Cancer sucks.
Working in an Oncology department has opened my eyes in so many ways. I knew going into it that it wasn’t always going to be rainbow and sunshines, I knew it was going to be hard. My biggest passion is getting to offer families a little more time with their pets, and making sure their pets are able to be their normal happy selves for as long as possible. It’s an honor to gain the trust from families with their pets' care, and the bond I create with their pets is something I will never forget.
To the outside world, it can be hard to understand the depth of the bond between a person and their animal. But for those of us in this field, and for anyone who has loved a pet, we know—they’re family.
According to the APA grief is “anguish experienced after significant loss.” The Cleveland Clinic describes it as “the experience of coping with a loss.” This feeling can attach and disrupt the normalcy in our lives for as long as we allow it. It can show up in many forms, from anticipatory to abbreviated to delayed. So what does it look like?
Grief doesn’t follow a rulebook. Some clients talk and talk. Others go silent. Some are angry, some are grateful. Some don’t cry until they get to the parking lot. Some don’t cry at all—but weeks later, they’ll come back just to say thank you, and then the tears come.
It’s important to know that however you grieve, it’s valid. There is no right way to mourn a pet. Whether it was sudden or expected, whether the animal was young or old, your loss is real. Allow yourself to feel it.
Stages of grief:
Over the years, I’ve learned a few things—not only for pet parents, but for myself and my coworkers as we process our own emotions. Here are some suggestions that may help you navigate pet loss:
I feel we have to acknowledge that with life there is death. We build this bond and connection with our pets, and no one goes into this companionship expecting the worst to happen. I think once we can move past the shock of the harsh reality, then we can truly prioritize the quality of life we are able to experience and allow our pets to experience as well.
Everyone knows cancer is a terrible thing, and in many cases when it comes to the veterinary field we are not able to achieve a cure for them. Working in this field I understand the heartbreak and frustration that owners feel when they hear that. I want you to know that is valid. Your feelings are valid. My goal with every pet I get to treat and care for is to help them be comfortable and remain their normal, happy-selves for as long as possible. Our pets bring us so much joy and companionship, so if I can help provide an ounce of that back, why not?
You will have to create new memories while reminiscing on the old ones. That will be tough. Learning a new routine will be tough. Getting used to the silence will be tough. Just know there are others who have been there and who are currently there with you. Grieving your pet is not “dramatic”. It is hard. There are groups and resources which will be attached, but I want you to know that you don’t have to go through this alone, we don’t want you to have to go through this alone. I know we didn’t get to watch your pets grow up or be a part of most milestones, but when they are in our care, they are also our pets too. We feel that heart break with you and for you.
Resources:
From one animal lover to another—be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, but love doesn’t end at goodbye.
🖤
Sites:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief
https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/pet-owners/petcare/coping-loss-pet
https://vetsocialwork.tennessee.edu/animal-related-grief-bereavement/
